Friday, July 25, 2025
Trenitalia Hates Its Passengers (except Executive): An Open Letter to Trenitalia
Monday, July 12, 2021
Cock Island Line
Now, this here's a story about the Cock Island Line
Well, the Cock Island Line, she runs down into Pussy Town
There's a big gal gate down there, and you know
If you got certain things on board when you come to the gal gate
Well, you ain't gonna get yourself no gal
Well, a pile driver, he pulled up to the gal gate
And the gal pouted and asked him what all he had on board, and he said
I'm a snowflake
I'm a snowflake
I got Marx
I got blacks
I got masks
I got rules
I got all feminist
Well, she said, you're alright boy, you are gonna get this gal
You can just go right on through, so he went on through the gal gate
And as he went through, he started pickin' up a little bit of speed
Pickin' up a little bit of steam
He got on through, he turned, and looked up at the gal, he said
Well, I fooled you
I fooled you
I'm a Trump man
I'm a Trump man
I got all MAGA
Down the Cock Island Line, she's a mighty good road
Cock Island Line, it's the road to ride
Cock Island Line, it's a mighty good road
Well, if you ride it, you got to ride it like you find it
Get your ticket in a blue state for the Cock Island Line
Wednesday, April 14, 2021
Internal Chronology and Status of the Kevin Traynor Stories as of April 2021
Gunpowder Tea (Young Kevin Traynor) (fragment, may be abandoned)
Traynor and his future best friend Nick Parker meet during an adventure in Casablanca.
Torch in the Night (available)
Traynor, Parker, and Jennifer Jordan have to stop a conspiracy to destroy the United States.
Phantom Train (available)
Traynor, Parker, and mining engineer Connie Chandler investigate a phantom train depopulating an Arizona mining town.
Mysterious Boat (available):
The Mystery of the Mysterious Boat
Traynor, Jennifer, and Parker investigate a mysterious boat haunting an old house in Malibu.
The Secret of the Lost Tribe
Traynor and Jennifer encounter Indian ghost riders in New Mexico.
Mystic Triangle (writing)
Traynor, Jennifer, and Parker get involved in an Anarcho-Capitalist revolution.
Kevin Traynor, P.I. (working title):
The Phantom of Broadway (fragment, abandoned due to boring)
Traynor's Broadway theater is haunted by a phantom.
The Case of the Kidnapped O'Connors (available)
Jennifer's Frank O'Connor paintings are stolen from a locked room.
Eighty Million Maniacs (rewriting, editing)
Howard is kidnapped to force Traynor and Jennifer to find a hidden treasure in a medieval town in the land of eighty million maniacs.
Chelsea Cinderella (editing)
During a party, the crown jewels of Nassau-Wittgenstein are stolen from that country's embassy in New York City.
The Riddle of the Ratty Rock Star (fragment, may be postponed to a later book or abandoned)
An unsavory punk rocker is killed in a locked room.
Kevin Traynor and Crypto Queenie (working title):
Time Slip (writing)
Traynor and crypto currency wizard Britt Coyne travel back to the Middle Ages in a castle in Latvia.
Voynich Manuscript (writing)
Traynor, Britt, and Parker follow the clues encoded in the Voynich manuscript to find its treasure in Prague.
La Serenissima (idea, plotting)
Traynor and Britt fly to Venice, Italy, for a romantic getaway; hilarity ensues.
Wednesday, June 14, 2017
The Battle Hymn of the God Emperor
He is trampling out the idiots where the democrats are stored;
He hath loosed the fateful lightning of His terrible swift sword:
His truth is marching on.
(Chorus)
Glory, glory, hallelujah!
Glory, glory, hallelujah!
Glory, glory, hallelujah!
His truth is marching on.
I have seen Him in the pictures of a myriad memic clone,
They have builded Him an altar in The Donald Reddit zone;
I can read His righteous sentence on a dim and flick'ring phone:
His day is marching on.
(Chorus)
Glory, glory, hallelujah!
Glory, glory, hallelujah!
Glory, glory, hallelujah!
His day is marching on.
I have read his fiery gospel writ in burnished rows of steel:
"As ye deal with my contemners, so with you my tweets shall deal";
Let the Hero, born of woman, crush the leftoids with His heel,
Since Trump is marching on.
(Chorus)
Glory, glory, hallelujah!
Glory, glory, hallelujah!
Glory, glory, hallelujah!
Since Trump is marching on.
He has sounded forth the trumpet that shall never call retreat;
He is sifting out the hearts of men before His judgment-seat;
Oh, be swift, my soul, to answer Him! Be quick to like His tweet!
Our God is marching on.
(Chorus)
Glory, glory, hallelujah!
Glory, glory, hallelujah!
Glory, glory, hallelujah!
Our God is marching on.
In the beauty of the lilies Trump was born across the lea,
With a courage in His bosom that transfigures you and me.
Like He lives to drive cucks crazy, let us live to make men free,
While Trump is marching on.
(Chorus)
Glory, glory, hallelujah!
Glory, glory, hallelujah!
Glory, glory, hallelujah!
While Trump is marching on.
He is coming like the glory of the morning on the wave,
He is Sanction to producers, He is Succor to the brave,
So Europe shall be His footstool, Angela Merkel His slave,
Our God is marching on.
(Chorus)
Glory, glory, hallelujah!
Glory, glory, hallelujah!
Glory, glory, hallelujah!
Our God is marching on!
Happy Birthday, God Emperor Donald J. Trump!
"I can't spare this man — he fights."
— Abraham Lincoln
Happy Flag Day, one and all!
Praise Kek!
Shadilay, my friends!
Wednesday, January 18, 2017
Little Red Riding Hood
Monday, October 17, 2016
Hilly and the Great Man
He came ridin' in on the sunrise on a hot West New York day
A fancy man in a golden limo with some fancy things to say
Looks like you folks need some greatness, well, greatness is my game
And if you folks can raise some one trillion dollars, I betcha I can make you great
Step back, nonbelievers, or the great will never come
Someone start them crosses a-burning, somebody stroke my bum
He said, some may think I'm crazy for making all these claims
But I swear before this year is over you folks are gonna be so great
They all just stood there a-staring, trying to believe
But there was one named Hilly Clinton who said he was a lying cheat
She said, you call yourself a great man, well, you oughta be ashamed
Starting all these people dreamin', thinking you can make 'em great
Step back, nonbelievers, or the great will never come
Someone keep them crosses a-burning, somebody stroke my bum
He said, some may think I'm crazy for making all these claims
But I swear before this year is over you folks are gonna be so great
Hey, Hilly, well, a man's got to have a dream
And if you will come on inside with me, I'll grope you in between
Oh, come with me, Hilly, and the arse will write your name
And if you still think I'm lying to you, look yonder, there comes the great
Step back, nonbelievers, or the great will never come
Someone keep them crosses a-burning, somebody stroke my bum
He said, some may think I'm crazy for making all these claims
But I swear before this year is over you folks are gonna be so great
[Repeat and fade]